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Did I make a huge mistake?

  • July 20, 2020

Note: I wrote this back in February, pre-pandemic. And I FINALLY moved into my new house last week!

At the beginning of the year, I bought a new house; a bigger space with more natural light, a downstairs rec area for my son to play, and a brighter kitchen for cooking and filming. I walked through it a dozen times, stared at pictures, and marveled at how perfect it was for us.

The day after the old owner moved out, I returned by myself to see it fresh for the first time; a blank slate, primed for my furniture, art, and plants. I wandered through each room, feeling more anxious by the minute. It was smaller than I remembered. The bedrooms were in a weird configuration, weren’t they? I definitely didn’t have enough closet space. I didn’t see any kids in the neighborhood, either.

I went home and panicked. I bought the wrong house. I made a terrible, expensive decision. I began searching online: “tax implications of selling house right away” and “what do you do if you change your mind about a house” and “rental property managers Salt Lake City.”

Brandon was out of town, and I didn’t want to drop this on him over the phone, so I sat with it all by myself for 24 hours; the kind of panic that woke me up in the middle of the night. I BOUGHT A HOUSE AND I HATE IT.

The next day, I woke up and started searching again, but this time, for “buyer’s remorse home.” This result turned up something interesting… article upon article sharing how the majority homebuyers experience doubt and unease about their new purchase. WHOA. I drilled in and started reading. These people felt just like I did! They also panicked, and wondered if they made the right choice. I wasn’t alone.

This realization is what finally calmed me down. I wasn’t in real danger here. This was a thing. Other people have experienced it too. I’m not alone. And I felt so much better.

When I drilled in deeper, overwhelmingly people reported, “I felt like this too, but once I moved in, I realized my fears were unfounded, and I’m happy with the home.” I immediately texted my sister, who had bought her house a year ago. “When you bought your house, did you fear or panic about the decision? Asking for a friend.” She confirmed she had some of the same feelings too, and talked me through the rest of my anxiety.

I went back to the house the next day with a fresh eye. The kitchen was gorgeous. The bedrooms were actually quite spacious, and we’d figure out what went where. I measured the closets; plenty of room for my stuff. As I poked around, really imagining us living here, I realized my fears were unfounded. It really is a fantastic house.

It’s amazing how much our perspective can change the SECOND we realize we’re not the only ones. Buying a house, accepting a new job, or starting the Whole30… starting something new can be scary. Am I doing it right, is this part of the process, does it get easier, will I find my stride, did I made a huge mistake?

Don’t panic. I promise, you are never alone.

During these moments, reach out and connect with people who can empathize, share their own experience, and reassure you that your instincts to say YES were trustworthy and it’s going to be FINE. Phone a friend, text your mom, share your story on social media, send me a DM, revisit your Whole30 Day by Day book… you don’t need a glass of wine or a cookie to sort this out. You just need to connect with another human being and see whether your gut is truly trying to tell you something, or if you’re just plain scared.

Knowing I’m not alone relieved 88% of my anxiety, giving me enough presence and centeredness to truly trust my instincts and move forward for my highest good, without fear or insecurity.  As for the new house, after that visit with a fresh eye, I immediately went to Homegoods and furnished the upstairs bathroom with new towels, a shower curtain, and a cute little cactus. It felt good to reclaim this path as my own.

What will you reclaim today?