NEW! The Book of Boundaries | Order Now

NEW! The Book of Boundaries

  • July 20, 2022
The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban

In October 2020, I woke up in the middle of the night with a fully-formed book proposal in my head. (Literally–the proposal wrote itself overnight. The Universe really sent it with this one.) I hadn’t been thinking about another book, but the intensity of this nudge (premonition?) was so strong that I felt like I had to give the concept my attention.

The next morning, I sent my agent an email and outlined the concept: “I had this wild idea in the middle of the night and had to send it to you… I think I want to write a book about boundaries. Is this bananas?”

She did not think it was bananas. In fact, she thought it was perfect. Before I knew it, I was writing another book! A book on boundaries! THE book of boundaries! I couldn’t tell anyone but my family and my team, but I started working on it immediately.

And now, a year and a half and 100,000 words later… it’s done. (And you don’t want to wait ONE SECOND LONGER, sneak a peek and pre-order here.)

My journey with boundaries

I’ve been told a dozen times that your spouses and partners refer to me only as “that Boundary Lady on Instagram,” and I have to say, it always makes my day. Since 2009, I’ve been helping my community successfully say no to pizza, muffins, chocolate, and wine with grace and confidence. Once people discovered I was good at helping them hold a boundary around their health commitments, they began asking me for help in other areas:

  • “My mother-in-law is always nitpicking my weight, clothes, and makeup—what can I do?”
  • “I need to tell my boss, ‘I will not be answering emails from vacation,’ and you’re so good at this!”
  • “My friend emotionally dumps on me every time we talk, and I just can’t do it anymore. Help?”

I started my “help me set a boundary” series on Instagram a few years ago to answer these kinds of questions (and so much more) for the folks who asked, and for everyone else who faced the same challenges in their relationships. Every time I offered to help, I’d get hundreds of questions. No matter how many stories, posts, and newsletters I shared, you wanted MORE. More encouragement, more language, more word-for-word scripts, and more strategies for setting and holding your limits clearly, kindly, and effectively.

That’s exactly what I’ve given you in The Book of Boundaries.

Your go-to boundary handbook

At one point early in the writing process, I said to my editor, “I’m not trying to write everything I know about boundaries in this book, am I?” She replied, “What if you tried, though? Let’s just see what comes out.” So I dug into ALL of the work I’ve done in boundaries–the research I’d read, the learnings and examples from my own life, the thousands of conversations I’ve had with you, and the feedback I’d received after you shared the boundaries you needed for your own health and happiness. What came out (through the magic of editing) was crisp and clear, immensely relevant, appropriately dry-humored, and ten times richer than I imagined in that middle-of-the-night vision. It’s everything you need to learn about boundaries, from a real person in the real world who has learned how to make boundaries her superpower, and wants you to know too.

I’ll share my boundary origin story, and how I became the self-confident, conflict-comfortable, direct-speaking woman you know today. (Spoiler: this didn’t come naturally, which makes me the perfect person to teach you my ways.) I’ll break boundaries into practical and relevant concepts that you can immediately apply in the real world, in all scenarios. I’ll help you navigate the guilt, anxiety, and push-back that may happen once you start to prioritize your needs, your energy, and your mental health. And I’ll give you eight chapters of word-for-word boundary scripts using my famous Green, Yellow, and Red “threat” levels, relevant to every relationship category in your life

The Book of Boundaries

We all know that learning how to set and hold boundaries is hard. But you’ve also had a taste of how powerful this practice can be, and how a few carefully-chosen words spoken with kindness from a place of self-care can bring you so much freedom in every area of your life. With The Book of Boundaries at your fingertips, there will be nothing stopping you from becoming your own boundary expert, and watching your energy, capacity, health, and relationships blossom as a result.

I have always said that I have never had a good idea that didn’t come from my community. This book is no exception. I wrote it for you, and I cannot thank you enough for your continued support.

The Book of Boundaries comes out on October 11, 2022, and between now and then, I’ll have plenty of bonus content for those who pre-order. (You can share your proof of purchase at a later date, no problem.) Visit to learn more and pre-order your copy of The Book of Boundaries today!

Pre-Order The Book of Boundaries now. Coming October 2022.