The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban
Featuring 130+ scripts to help you set boundaries for better mental health, increased energy, improved productivity, and more fulfilling relationships.
Do your relationships often feel one-sided or unbalanced? Are you always giving in just so things will go smoothly? Do you wish you could learn to say no—but, like, nicely? Are you depleted, overwhelmed, and tired of putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need The Book of Boundaries.
EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK
I suspect the word ”boundaries” makes you a little uncomfortable, or perhaps even triggers feelings of guilt. Maybe you think boundaries are mean. Maybe you think they’re selfish or uncaring. Maybe you think they’re about trying to control other people. Maybe you’ve been told all of those things by the people who benefit the most from you having none.” [Introduction: How I Became “The Boundary Lady”]
“Speaking up in the moment, advocating for yourself, and asking for what you need is uncomfortable. But what’s both uncomfortable and damaging is reaffirming the story that someone else’s feelings are more important or worthy than your own—which is what you do every time you swallow your healthy boundary in an effort to keep the peace.” [Chapter 1, A Crash Course in Boundaries]
“Your spouse says, ‘That’s just how they are, they can’t change.’ (Meanwhile you’re thinking, ‘That’s how they’ve trained you to do what they want.’) Setting these boundaries can make a world of difference in your relationship, allowing you all to co-exist in peace, with no one needing to choose sides, and making space for visits that are free of anxiety, pressure, and resentment.” [Chapter 4, Setting Boundaries With Parents and In-Laws]
“By establishing healthy boundaries around your diet and body, you’re both preserving your mental health and mindset and changing the culture that surrounds you. Imagine a universe in which nobody talks about other people’s bodies, our food no longer has morality, and we’re able to eat and drink as we please without anybody saying anything about it. The difference is (say it with me) boundaries.” [Chapter 8: Setting Boundaries Around Food, Alcohol, and Table Talk]
“Keep in mind the ultimate benefits of boundaries. The cover of this book says, “Set the limits that will set you free,” and that’s what self-boundaries are about—freedom! Freedom from stress, anxiety, and anger, and the freedom to feel happy, healthy, peaceful, and grounded. Setting boundaries with yourself is another path to that sense of freedom.” [Chapter 10: Setting Boundaries With Yourself]